I can't even remember the date on the last post. I've not yet mastered the consistency of journal writing, paper or electronic. A lot has been going on, as it has I'm sure for everyone. It feels like pretty much everyone I know (and that is a generalization) is either getting engaged or getting married. In fact I have two close friends getting married on the exact same day. For one I am a bridesmaid and so for the other, I am left to resort to sending a message of congratulations and best wishes on Facebook. A lot of people I know (again, another generalization) is/did graduate from college this week or in the coming one. One chapter is ending and another is beginning. After A LOT of consideration and personal prayer I have come to the decision that school is not the place in life for me at the present moment. I was never really happy to be in school, very few people are, but I never pictured myself graduating from college. Never. I went because it was the thing all seniors leaving high school were supposed to do. You go to college, you get a degree, then you get a job. But the job, the path in life I want, while yes a degree would only help in giving me a kind of leg up, it also requires experience and practice that I was not being given at the campus I was attending. I was not on the "chosen, golden list". There is no trying to deny that it does not exist, it does, it is a fact of life. Granted, I have a strong feeling that the situation would have been mirrored at every other school I attended, not to mention in the industry itself. I guess what I am wanting is a chance, my chance to show what I've got what I can be worth to a project. It came as a lightbulb of inspiration when a teacher I had this past spring said that the best thing a performer can do while they wait for their big chance is to work, even if it means providing the work yourself. It was confirmed to me in that moment that the very thought is not taboo, it is not unheard of, it is not something you don't do to get your name and your talent out there. In a way, wasn't that why YouTube and Myspace were created? Well, following those words of advice/council, that is exactly what I plan to do. The expectedly ironic thing is this: to get my name out there, to take advantage of the outlets that have been provided, I need money. This is not the ironic part. To make money I need a job, but the only job I want to be doing is one that requires getting my name out there, working; but to do that I need to be making money, there are things I have to be able to pay for! Do you see the expectedly ironic?!
So the task is set for of procuring the usually dreaded "summer job". I hear those words and the sentiment, "Blue, get a job." My mind automatically thinks...fast food...NO!!!! I will do almost anything not to have to resort to working fast food. I hold nothing against those employees or the industry by no means. I have worked it before and I have realized it takes a certain kind of person, one that is not me, to handle the job. For the job I want, I need both days and nights to be free to come to rehearsal, to come to a performance, to be available for a shoot...but I need a job to make the money to begin doing those things?! It is a never ending circle of misery!!!!
What do I do? This is a question that I have never been able to get a solid answer on. One of two reactions occur upon my asking said question. The first is, people try to gently talk me into finding another path in life, finding the good in the jobs that are offered her. The second is, they loop the question back to me asking what it is I want to do? Are you hoping that my answer will have changed in the seconds since I asked you? I don't intend to disappoint, but the answer is still and will always be the same. The dilema will remain a constant in my life until I am able to come up with a plan that I decide not to talk my way out of in any manner. I guess I just turned the question back on myself with that statement.
Well, I just wanted to get back in touch. Make sure everyone knew that I was still around. Still dreaming with no signs of slowing down or stopping. There ya go!
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